Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.Proverbs 18:1-2, 19
Yesterday, I spent the whole day listening to God’s Word in the Daily Audio Bible and creating Faith Art. It was extremely therapeutic for me because I was able to release some old hurts, the very religious wounding that drove a wedge between me and the church all those years ago, and that made me wander off into the occult and the New Age.
Looking back at my decision to leave the church 20 years ago, I can now quite clearly see three primary reasons and two of those reasons were about me feeling offended over treatment by other Christians. The third reason was almost legit: I just could not anymore, with the denominational differences and Christians judging and even hating on other Christians. This needs to be healed on a global scale, to this very day… but it still does not serve as a reasonable cause for leaving the church.
The Sin of Dancing?
The first personal reason that became apparent to me was my role as a dancer. I was being judged for dancing by my church family around the time I was in the process of gaining my dance teaching diploma. I still vividly recall the church service where one of the elders made his way to the podium after the preaching and offered a public apology for mentioning the word dance the previous Sunday.
Of course, everybody in the congregation knew that the word dance related to yourse truly, and the word had been mentioned in the form of an announcement of me taking part in a dance celebration at another church. I remember the feeling of shock and shame that came over me as I felt the judgement of dozens of people quietly rain down on me. As if animated by some outside force I made my way to the podium and pointed out that the word dance is also mentioned in the Bible… more than once!
What happened after that I can’t remember at all, but I do remember that nobody in the congregation reached out to me with any form of support or encouragement. This caused much bitterness and bitterness that lasted for a very long time.
Usually, I’m quite quick to forgive and even forget but in this case, I let it fester rather than confront anybody or seek a peaceful resolution. I even went so far as to leave the congregation so I could let it fester properly, without having to deal with it. There was no grace or Holy Spirit presence in how I handed this; I was acting 100% in the flesh.
The Sin of Seership?
The second personal reason for leaving was more difficult for me to discern as it wasn’t about something I was doing but rather about who I am as a person. I was born a Seer. This is not something we choose and the gift itself is neither demonic, nor angelic; it’s a neutral gift that (like musicality or mathemathical ability or natural physical strength) that can be used for either serving God or the devil.
It’s taken me quite a while to figure out the truth about this and I used much of my Daniel Fast to research this subject matter, as well as to pray over it so that God would show me the truth. It just so happened that while I was in the midst of trying to figure this out, the story about Balaam showed up in the Daily Audio Bible podcasts I’ve been listening too. Eventually I was able to formulate my thoughts about seership, divination and casting of lots into this blog post.
Missing Holy Spirit Power
The context I was saved in at age 17 would not allow for any mention of any kind of seemingly supernatural abilities since they were 100% cessationist. In fact, the Holy Spirit seemed pretty much absent. Again, thanks to the Daily Audio Bible, I have since been exposed to a similar scenario described in the Book of Acts, where Apollos had missed out on the teachings about the Holy Spirit and Holy Spirit Baptism. Luckily for his flock, he was corrected by other apostles in possession of more sound doctrine on this matter.
I now pray that my gift of seership will be reactivated or rebooted by the Holy Spirit so that it can be used in the service of the Lord. When we misuses the gifts we have for personal gain, much like Balaam, the gifts become eroded.
Finding My People
Since childhood, I had many supernatural things occur but the only people who were willing to talk about these things, who didn’t fear than and who seemed to value them were found outside the church, in the New Age movement and in the occult.
Even after returning to the Lord this year and connecting with Charismatic Christians, I was told that the gift itself must have been demonic and I was seen as not quite ‘delivered’ from my occult practices because I claimed to be a Seer.
Yet Seership is very much talked about in the Bible and now I have begun to connect virtually online with Christian teachers and prophets who understand this. I can’t wait to learn and grow in this area and in all other areas of service to the Lord. I’m reading books and watching lots of videos about seership and prophetic gifting.
Deep down, to serve God with my gifts was all I ever wanted. Others may not have recognised this but God knows and that is why He restored me to a right relationship with Him during the lockdown. Now is the perfect time to begin the work and to dive deep into His words so that I am able to serve in a way that truly brings God all the glory!
What I see now is that everything that happened in the past and that served to drive a wedge between me and the body of Christ has ultimately served as a very helpful lesson with many facets of learning for me to keep assimilating. In no way did I act blamelessly myself, so to blame others is both wrong and a complete waste of time. As I repent of my own sin of failing to turn to Christ and to seek Holy Spirit guidance, I find it very easy to forgive any and all people involved in past hurts.
Forgiveness is wonderful and healing and nobody teaches it better than our Lord!